Extra Girls require extra special treatment. We’re not your normal, basic bitches. We need that little something extra on a date.
Rule Number 1 – Smells: DON’T SMOKE! There is no bigger turnoff than a guy who shows up smelling like a fucking dead ashtray. His fingers stink, his clothes stink, his hair stinks, he fucking stinks PERIOD. NO.
Rule Number 2 – Gifts: NEVER arrive empty handed. YES, we’re “extra”. No there is nothing you can possibly buy for us that we don’t already have either multiple of or better quality of, so no lavish presents… Don’t try even attempt handbags or jewellery. We will hate whatever you pick and be forced to pawn it off on Consuela, our housekeeper, who in truth probably hates it too and pawns it off on HER housekeeper.
Keep it basic but bougie. Gesture or hostess tokens are the best. LE LABO candles. You can’t go wrong here. If you’re willing to spend 100 bucks on a scent, it shows the extra girl you’re willing to go a whole lot further for a lot more. MAKE SURE you get a gift receipt. Chances are that we will probably hate whatever scent you picked. Yes, it is the thought that counts, but you probably have shitty taste. Cute, but bring the gift receipt.
You can never go wrong with flowers, but don’t be the basic Brian who shows up with the clichéd red roses, maybe she buried her mother with those… find out what her favorite colors are, do some research, maybe she’s got basic tastes and likes daffodils. Every bitch is different.
We love to hate sweets… if you come with pretzels, it means more to us than a gold Cartier watch, then again, as an added bonus we can also guilt trip you and make you feel like shit for bringing us carbs… win win win. 💅🏼💅🏼💅🏼 You fucking shit, later on, when we’re fat and covered with stretch marks, rest assured, we WILL blame you!
We love anything personalised, anything that you’ve put thought into and has been personalised is SAMazing.
Don’t do perfume, its way too much of a personal preference and chances are that you’ll fuck up what she likes – see above about scents. Candies and chocolates are the signature go-to here. Again, do your research, find out what she likes. FFS, Don’t go to Target and buy a family size pack of Snickers, get bougie candies and chocolates!
Don’t try and impress us by buying basic jewellery, just don’t even attempt.
Out of 100 men, maybe less than 5 would be comfortable or even able to write us a poem. So, if you can create something that takes time and effort, it doesn’t have to cost a lot of money, it just has to show us the effort and the time that you took to try and make an impression on us, then go and multiply that by twelve and maybe, just maybe, you’ll begin to scratch the surface…
Rule 3 – Plan out the night: Plan 5 alternate dates. All fully refundable, a hot air balloon ride complete with breakfast, a trip on a chopper ride with dinner, etc. You can’t be basic… To date an extra girl, you can’t be poor… Sorry! Give her a choice so that you’re in charge and show initiative, but she’s still in charge.
Rule 4 – Drinks: You can NEVER go wrong with a fabulous bottle of wine. Turn up with a SAMtastic Pinot Grigio for us to share before we start. Vodka, tequila, mezcal, or champagne. Find out whatever her favourite libation is and go with that. If she doesn’t drink, don’t even bother with the first date. If she doesn’t drink, I can give you a long laundry list of other things she doesn’t like or do….FFS
Rule 5 – Be genuine: So many people try to reassure us that they’re not with in it for our money. We don’t care bitch. In an ideal world, you’d be rich too. Don’t wish for us to be poor like you so that we can be equals. That’s like wishing a diabetic could eat a churro. Everyone deserves a churro, even if you’re a diabetic.
Rule 6 – No cats: if you have a cat… its over before it has even begun. don’t even send us cat or kitten images, or bitch we will end you like the sun ends the night…
If you can live up to the above 6 rules, you will have a SAMazingly SAMextra time and she will treat you extra special in return!
Good luck living up though, peasants.